I Wanna Talk About Me!
by The Shinsengumi Muses
Summary: A songfic to the country song! Wolfwood is a tad bit on the self-centered side... ^_~ Vash/Nick


Notes: Yeah... this isn't a full parody, but it's pretty damn close. Umm, a jealous/possesive/OOC/nuerotic/self-centered Wolfwood songfic... interesting :) Thank Erin-chan for the damn songfic challenge, and Kitten-chan for the beta-ing! I love you two!!  
  
Warnings: OOC, songfic, comedy, Wolfwood/Vash   
  
**  
I Wanna Talk About Me**  
(Toby Keith)  
  
By: Emmy  
  


* * *

  
**[We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk  
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts  
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother  
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover  
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been  
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin  
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose  
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes  
You know talkin' 'bout you makes me smile  
But every once in awhile]**  
  
Casually hunched over, Nicholas D. Wolfwood walked into the room that he and the sixty billion double dollar man were sharing. He sat down, and set his cross next to him and drew out a cigarette, placing it neatly between his lips. He took a deep breath of the nicotine cloud and let out it out with a groan, turning to the outlaw. "Vash, today just sucked."   
  
The blonde nodded, this was becoming routine. "What happened today, Nick?"  
  
The priest folded his arms and grimaced, "First, my orders from Knives came to kill you again and I told the Gung-ho idiot's that I didn't really want to do it, but did they take the job for me? No! Naturally, those selfish assholes said that they didn't want to fail and be crucified like that idiot... err... I can't remember his name... B. R? R. E? O. J? What ever, that's beside the point now! And then if we get into the church and money situation with the orphans I'm just gonna die! This entire mix-up gives me one helluva headache the worry may go right to my stomache!  
  
"Oh, this again, how is that cyclops chick doing?" Vash asked quaintly, flipping through a newspaper, half listening and half ignoring.   
  
"Oh Dominique? She's dead, but speaking of, I heard that she had a thing going on with Midvalley! That idiot, he's just fooling around with everyone and anyone now that we've broken up!"  
  
Vash nodded and added in grinning, "You know what they say about those hornyfreaks. You never should have gotten involved with him in the first place, you know--"  
  
"And then CHAPEL! Do you know what he did!?"  
  
"I have the feeling you're gonna tell me..."  
  
"Damn straight, he followed me to this saloon this after noon and decided to dump a barrel of apple sauce on me and then run away cackling! It ruined my outfit! But speaking of my outfit, I'm been meaning to ask you, does it make me look fat? Meryl said that it made me look fat. I told her that with all that metal she was packing she shouldn't be talking, but it got to me..."  
  
"No, dear, you look fine."  
  
"Ok, good... I just wanted to make sure, but Vash? Am I boring you? Sorry, I'll change it to something more important. Guess what's on my schedule tomorrow?"   
  
**[I wanna talk about me  
Wanna talk about I  
Wanna talk about number one  
Old my me my  
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see  
How I like talking about you you you you usually, but occasionally  
I wanna talk about me]**  
  
Damnit! This wasn't going well, surround on all sides with men back to back and side to side, the insurance girls huddled in a corner with guns jammed into their mouths... this wasn't good at all. If I tried to shoot one, it would ricochet and/or kill another person! If I tried to hit a shoulder, it might go through and knock through some one else's skull! This wasn't a good situation at all!  
  
The only thing that was worse is the fact that Nick is poised and ready for some major... carnage. I glared as the man next to me tightens his grip on the trigger. I look over at him and harshly whisper, "If you kill one man here, you're not getting any tonight!"  
  
The dark priest's face fell and he scowled to the ground, "How the hell am I not supposed to kill anyone in this position?!"   
  
"Just try, try really hard!"  
  
"Easy for you to say!"  
  
"No, not easy!"  
  
I looked around the area quickly as I heard several guns cock from the John JoSmith Gang. All at once, they fired and I quickly felt the pain of my sacrifice from three bullet holes through my stomach. The rest was a bit too fast to recall, but in the end I remember laying down on the loose dirt, staring at the blue sky, all the members either unconscious or running away from the scene.  
  
There was blood running out from me, after the three bullet shots I had also gotten shot in the left thigh and left arm when trying to dodge the thigh blow. Yeah, it hurt, but at least no one was dead on account of this little incident. I closed my eyes and as soon as I did heard a ravaged scream coming from my left.  
  
"THAT DAMNED BULLET GRAZED MY SHOULDER!"  
  
I glared and sat up, the insurance girls came running after the incident.   
  
Right over to Nick.  
  
I did a double take as they started looking over his wounds and whining about if he was going to be all right. Wolfwood whimpered a bit and then stood up proud, announcing that it was 'only a scratch.' Why did he get all the breaks!?   
  
  
**[I wanna talk about me]**  
  
I shouted, "I'm hurt too, ya know!!"   
  
The only answer that I got was a sympathetic 'nya' from Kuroneko-sama.   
  
  
**[We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes  
your high school team and your moisturizer creme  
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana  
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama  
We talk about your guys of every shape and size  
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize  
We talk about your heart, 'bout your brains and your smarts  
And your medical charts and when you start  
You know talkin' 'bout you makes me grin  
But every now and then]**  
  
A sultry moan escaped from Vash's half open mouth as Wolfwood's tongue slipped in to collide with his, and his hand into his pants. Wolfwood stroked the swollen member there, and then slowly, worked his hand up into the blonde's shirt, caressing his chest. With his free hand, he began to slowly unbutton the shirt that still hung from Vash's body while the priest was still pinning him against the wall. Quickly tearing off the night shirt, which came off much easier than his usual complex suit, Wolfwood pulled away, looking at Vash's scars again.  
  
He took in a deep breath and then announced, "Those must have hurt. But you know what really hurt? Jamming my fingers in the door today."   
  
Vash glared and picked the priest up by the collar and slammed him down onto his bed. "I've had enough of this, you're going to play uke tonight!!"   
Wolfwood was left to whimper  
  
**  
[I wanna talk about me  
Wanna talk about I  
Wanna talk about number one  
Old my me my  
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see  
I like talking about you you you you usually, but occasionally  
I wanna talk about me]**  
  
"Wolfwood-san?" Milly inquired, looking over to the priest, "why are you walking funny?"  
  
"You don't call that walking, Milly, you call that waddling." Meryl supplied and Milly nodded in acknowledgment. "Oh, I see sempai!"  
  
Wolfwood glared at the two girls and Vash quickly smacked the man in the ass while passing him, heading into a saloon.  
  
"Oi! Tongari!" Wolfwood growled, following quickly. That had hurt!  
  
**[I wanna talk about me]**  
  
They found a bar seat at the saloon and Vash gave Wolfwood a few teasing and suggestive looks while downing a beer. Vash let his eyes wander to the saloon dancer and Wolfwood glared into his Coke. "You know..." He started.  
  
"I can dance better than her."  
  
  
**[You you you you you you you you you you you  
I wanna talk about me]**  
  
"Vash..."  
  
"What is it now?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I don't feel so good, give me a back rub, I'm sore!"  
  
Vash growled in the back of his mind and thought, 'Good! Now you know just how I feel!'  
  
  
**[I wanna talk about me  
Wanna talk about I  
Wanna talk about number one  
Old my me my  
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see  
I like talking about you you you, usually, but occasionally  
I wanna talk about me  
I wanna talk about me  
Old me]**  
  
"Vash?"  
  
"What?!" This was the last straw! If he said one more thing like he had been going on about, god help him, he would...!  
  
"How was your day?"  
  
Shock.  
  
"Good, I guess. Thanks for asking."  
  
"OK, because I didn't have the best day and it all started with those damn Gung-ho Guns and Midvalley harassing me and--"  
  
"I'm gonna kill you!!"  
  
Wolfwood eeped and ran the other day and the Humanoid Typhoon started another rampage that would, undoubtedly leave Wolfwood very sore the next day.  
  


* * *

  
Owari  
  
12.28.2001  
  



End file.
